If You Were Gay Songtext

ROD
Aah, an afternoon alone with
My favorite book, "Broadway
Musicals of the 1940s."
No roommate to bother me.
How could it get any better than this?

NICKY
n fg l,e?,ffif
Oh,hi Rod!

ROD
Hi Nicky.

NICKY
n fg l,e?,ffif
Hey Rod, you'll never
Guess what happened to
Me on the subway this morning.
This guy was smiling at me and talking to me

ROD
That's very interesting.

NICKY
n fg l,e?,ffif
He was being real friendly,
And I think he was coming on to me.
I think he might've thought I was gay!

ROD
Ahem, so, uh, why are you telling me this?
Why should I care?
I don't care.
What did you have for lunch today?

NICKY
n fg l,e?,ffif
Oh, you don't have to get
All defensive about it, Rod

ROD
I'm NOT getting defensive!
What do I care about some gay guy you met, okay?
I'm trying to read.

NICKY
n fg l,e?,ffif
Oh, I didn't mean anything by it, Rod.
I just think it's something we should be able to talk about.

ROD
I don't want to talk about it,
Nicky! This conversation is over!!!

NICKY
n fg l,e?,ffif
Yeah, but

ROD
OVER!!!

NICKY
n fg l,e?,ffif
Well, okay, but just so you know —
IF YOU WERE GAY
THAT'D BE OKAY.
I MEAN 'CAUSE, HEY,
I'D LIKE YOU ANYWAY.
BECAUSE YOU SEE,
IF IT WERE ME,
I WOULD FEEL FREE
TO SAY THAT I WAS GAY
[BUT I'M NOT GAY.]

ROD
Nicky, please!
I am trying to read.
What?!

NICKY
n fg l,e?,ffif
IF YOU WERE QUEER

ROD
Ah, Nicky!

NICKY
n fg l,e?,ffif
I'D STILL BE HERE,

ROD
Nicky, I'm trying to read this book.

NICKY
n fg l,e?,ffif
YEAR AFTER YEAR

ROD
Nicky!

NICKY
n fg l,e?,ffif
BECAUSE YOU'RE DEAR
TO ME,

ROD
Argh!

NICKY
n fg l,e?,ffif
AND I KNOW THAT YOU

ROD
What?

NICKY
n fg l,e?,ffif
WOULD ACCEPT ME TOO,

ROD
I would?

NICKY
n fg l,e?,ffif
IF I TOLD YOU TODAY,
"HEY! GUESS WHAT,
I'M GAY!"
[BUT I'M NOT GAY.]
I'M HAPPY
JUST BEING WITH YOU.

ROD
High Button Shoes, Pal Joey

NICKY
n fg l,e?,ffif
SO WHAT SHOULD IT
MATTER TO ME
WHAT YOU DO IN BED
WITH GUYS?

ROD
Nicky, that's GROSS!

NICKY
n fg l,e?,ffif
No it's not!
IF YOU WERE GAY
I'D SHOUT HOORAY!

ROD
I am not listening!

NICKY
n fg l,e?,ffif
AND HERE I'D STAY,

ROD
La la la la la!

NICKY
n fg l,e?,ffif
BUT I WOULDN'T GET
IN YOUR WAY.

ROD
Aaaah!

NICKY
n fg l,e?,ffif
YOU CAN COUNT ON ME
TO ALWAYS BE
BESIDE YOU EVERY DAY,
TO TELL YOU IT'S OKAY,
YOU WERE JUST BORN
THAT WAY,
AND, AS THEY SAY,
IT'S IN YOUR DNA,
YOU'RE GAY!

ROD
BUT I'M NOT GAY!

NICKY
n fg l,e?,ffif
If you were gay.

ROD
Argh!

Avenue Q If You Were Gay songtext